nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
