I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
