Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
