Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
