pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
