I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
