Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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