when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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