i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
