Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
