this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i think i just lost a toe
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
