I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
