I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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