thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
