Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
