so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
