how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
