Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
