Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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