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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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