I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
