He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I cut my penus on the lid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
