she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
