Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
