I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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