Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
