He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You took a bar mat shot.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
