he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize