I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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