Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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