This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
