I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
