The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize