I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
