Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
