By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
