cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I looked at my own cervix.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
