I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This house was built for laser tag.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
