Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
