tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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