so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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