I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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