Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
