Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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