Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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