Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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