she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize