Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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