He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize