Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
