the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
