I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
