it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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