he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
