I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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