Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
