would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
