Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize