i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
