I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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