it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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