Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Are we still banned from the library?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
