Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
