Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
