The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
