I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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