I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
