I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
