Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
