made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
