We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
