the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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