I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
