dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
