So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
