and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
