as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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