I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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