First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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