so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
