I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I touched a dick in church today
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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