you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize