I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize