I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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