Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
